i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
