Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the liver wants what the liver wants
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
