he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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