go do what you do best...puke behind churches
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
