I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
