I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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