He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
