Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
