I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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