they need to just BURY HIM!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
