That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
