i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
