I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
