gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
