all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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