Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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