Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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