I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
