dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
