people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
