So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
