the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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