This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
