i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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