Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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