Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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