And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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