Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
