fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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