NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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