Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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