when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize