Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
