i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
