i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
