My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize