You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
