You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
