let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
