We named our party play list daddy issues
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
