I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
