How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
