Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
