What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
