o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize