at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
