I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
