You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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