i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
