Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
