Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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