Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
