apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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