fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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