Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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