Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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