you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
