And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
