Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
