I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
