I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
