He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
