its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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