I wish I could teleport
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
