its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize