So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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