Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
me + whiskey = a bad person
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
