He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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