i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
