anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
