We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
