the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I still have a little drunk in my system
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
