do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
