Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Randomize
