Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize