A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
