They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize